You wake up one morning and you are sweating, heart is racing and you can't breath with out feeling as if a two ton boulder is on your chest--you think "Oh my god I am having a heart attack"--what do I do? The panic is in full swing and you are at a loss--sound at all familiar? For me it was very real--and I went to the hospital once because of those exact reasons--to find out that it was not anything but stress induced reactions. I felt like I was loosing my mind. What do I do ?
If this sounds familiar -it is because it is very real for many people--including myself. I thought I was going to die --then I was getting very upset because these awful stress reactions would happen at the worst times imaginable. One time my wife and I were taking a trip to Boston from Long Island and in the middle of traffic and on a busy interstate highway--bang--my heart attack sensations returned--and I got so much adrenaline that I felt like I needed to get out of the car and run as far away as I could. The pressure it put on my wife was awful--and it made me feel awful on top of that. I was crushed. How do I live like this? I can't put those I love through this. What do I do to get some control over this nightmare?
It reached a point where I could not even walk without --out of the blue--I was hoping just to get to the corner. So please understand when I say you are NOT alone--believe me it is from personal experience. I know how it feels and what it makes you feel like. I know the helpless feeling it is to feel that you can't continue to live your life like this. I know how you don't want to hurt others in your family--and how it can be difficult to even deal with the topic--the physically demanding process of the most little actions. The feeling of being alone and not wanting anyone to know--that you are suffering. The painful way you try and hide from others --or avoid doing things you might normally do--because that's easier then facing the monster that is controlling your life.
I will be honest and tell you that I still struggle at times --and I am now 43 years old. But I am also here to tell you that there is hope. There is away to beat this demon that is controlling your life --and take back what is rightfully yours. Is it easy? No. I am not here to blow smoke at you and tell you that there is a magic pill--or some grand solution to all your problems for $19.95. It involves work. I will tell you that you can regain control of your life and how you feel --and I will explain how I have made progress myself.
Understand that in no way shape or form am I a doctor or a therapist or some genius on this issue. I am telling you what I have learned from my personal experience and those of others that I am aware of. My solution is a two part answer--that works for me--everyone is different and therefore you will need to adapt to what you feel works as you go through your process. In my case I started my process by going to my regular doctor and telling him that I need my life back and right now I don't have it anymore--what do I do? After the usual battery of tests to make sure the heart was fine--we came together with a solution of blood pressure medicine and a very small dose of a drug that improves your mood. I figured ok now I will be good--just take these drugs and I will solve all my problems--as usual--this was not the case.
Even though the medicine helped some--it was not the answer--it made me feel a little better but not healthy and still mentally drained. I did not want to face the reality that I needed more. I eventually reached rock bottom to the point where I simply could not take anymore and found a licensed therapist that I could talk to that helped me address some of the issues and their source. Where they came from and how to deal them was important. The key component in all honesty in my case--and I strongly believe in most cases--is the need for self awareness. Why do you react the way you do? What is triggering your anger and frustration?
Is being self aware easy? No. It is an on going process of checks and balances. Asking yourself is the reaction I have fitting the actual situation? Why do I get so upset over the same situations? Is it linked in some way to my childhood or something that my friends do? I have been working hard to remind myself of what I have learned and what there is always a need to learn--patience. We live in a fast food society where everything is on the go--in order to be successful sometimes we need to slow it down and take a deep breath. It is not easy.
So please understand that I know the pain, fear, frustration, anguish, and insanity that you feel. Many people do. I can only suggest that you slowly try and take your life back. I recommend the two stage process of going to your regular doctor and finding a licensed therapist --that you are comfortable with. Make sure that if you are not happy with either your doctor or therapist that you change until you are--they are part of the support that you need.
Also use your friends and family. Be honest--as hard as the idea may be--you may find yourself pleasantly surprised by what you here or see. There is no quick fix for this journey. It is not an easy situation to face. But I promise you one thing--You Are Not Alone.
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